


Emails

by Sanctitatem



Category: Berena - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: Angst, Emails, F/F, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Long-Distance Relationship, Romance, Unsent emails
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:41:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanctitatem/pseuds/Sanctitatem
Summary: The following are emails that Serena may have written and sent, or not sent, to Bernie whenever they were apart, starting from Serena's sabbatical and then when Bernie was in Kenya. I hope to turn this into a series where each chapter is a separate email.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Kudos: 32





	1. Arriving in France

To: Bernie Wolfe

Subject: Travel Update

* * *

Darling Bernie,

Finally made it to France. The weather is glorious. The sun is just what I needed. I’ve even managed to sit still and do a bit of sunbathing.

I know! Me, sunbathing? Whatever has got into me?!

I’m renting a villa with a fantastic view of the Mediterranean. You can almost smell the salt in the sea. Although the vineyards have a greater hold on my attention, which will come as no surprise to you.

No ghosts here. Thankfully. The good food, and wine, have meant I’ve actually had two consecutive nights where I slept through the night. No nightmares. I feel almost like a new woman. Long may it continue. Although, I’m not expecting miracles. Not yet.

How are you? How’s AAU? I hope Ric isn’t giving you too much trouble.

Give me a ring, when you’re home. We can have a proper catch up then.

I miss you.

All my love,

Serena

xxx


	2. Bad Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second email from Serena to Bernie, while Serena is in France. This one would not have been sent.  
> TW: Grief and Nightmares

To: Bernie Wolfe

Subject: Bad dreams

* * *

Bernie,

The counsellor I have been talking to said it might be a good idea for me to write about any nightmares I have or my low moments. I doubt I will send this email but thought that this might be a good way to do as he said. I doubt its therapeutic effect but I suppose we shall see.

I couldn’t sleep last night.

Every time I closed my eyes she was there.

I keep thinking about the last time I saw her. How I couldn’t tell that anything was wrong. I don’t know how I missed it. I shouldn’t have missed it.

Anyway, it was the same dream as before. It’s always the same dream.

I’m stood over her bed, watching her, before they take her away from me. Except she’s not intubated. She looked so peaceful. My little girl. Then her eyes open and she starts to speak. Every guilty thought I’ve had about her death comes out of her mouth.

Why didn’t you save me?

You were too busy worrying about Jason to notice me.

I’ve always been second place, for you.

Bernie, her voice saying those things. I can’t bear it.

Everyone says time helps. In some ways it does. In other ways though … there’s a hole in my chest and it isn’t healing. The grief is horribly isolating. It amplifies the guilt; the regret. I do not know how anyone is supposed to cope with this.

I had to spend the rest of the night with the lights on just so I could tell that the ghosts hadn’t followed me to France. That and the bottle of wine that kept me company. I know that’s not what you want to hear. I think I finally fell back to sleep when the sun started to rise. They have beautiful sunrises in France, you know.

There were no dreams after that.

I’m worried about tonight. If it will bring more of the same.

I won’t send this to you. It’ll only worry you and I’ve caused enough of that, already.

I love you, Bernie.

S xxx


	3. Reaching Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An email sent a few weeks into Serena's sabbatical in France.

To: Bernie Wolfe

Subject: Missing you

* * *

Darling,

At the risk of this becoming a soppy love letter, I’ll try to keep it brief.

The days are getting longer, and the sun is almost always out. That alone is almost enough to make me feel ten years younger. The nights are still difficult, but easier than they were at Holby.

I do find myself missing you, though.

I don’t say that to upset you or guilt you. This separation is still what I need. I only wish it didn’t have to be a separation from you, too.

I do hope you come visit, whenever you can get time off. I think I’ll be here for a while to come. It’s been good for me.

I’ve made some friends and my French has come along leaps and bounds. It’s always better when you’re able to practise it regularly.

In the evenings I sit and watch the sunset. I pretend that you’re sat next to me and that we watch it together. If I close my eyes I can almost smell you there and feel you next to me. Those are my good days.

Bernie, I’m not there to prove to you that I love you or how much I want us to survive all of this. But I do feel the need to try, however I can.

So I hope, for now, this can suffice: I love you, Berenice Wolfe. More than I can express but I think you’ll understand that.

Call me.

All my love,

S xxx


End file.
